I Miss Being a Happy Camper

A community is so important.

The life of a Type 1 is very lonely. Ever since I was diagnosed I went to camp. I was blessed to attend every single year to date. Now, this is something I really need to get off my chest. I’m lonely; every single day. Even though I have some of the world’s most amazing friends, I’ve distanced myself from camp life for a really long time and I haven’t been in touch with the people who are so important to me and on top off that, I don’t know if I can get the time off work to go up to camp for a whole week and this is the first year that I won’t be going to camp in 10 years. This is really hard for me to grasp and really absorb.

Ever since my hospital stay, I have really focused on myself and shut out more people than just camp. I never really realized it until it was brought to my attention. For that I am so terribly sorry. Recently I re-attended a meet up for Type 1s that I used to be so excited for but then ghosted and put aside. I reconnected with a camp friend and I am starting to feel myself again now that he is in my life. It’s been so hard to not talk to the people that I used to talk to almost every day and I could go to with diabetes pain and have them 1000% understand. So if any of you are reading this, I miss you. A lot has been going on that I don’t always share with the world but I shut you all out and it wasn’t fair. This has been sitting on my heart for a really long time and I miss you guys.

I have this voice that just sits in my head and makes me over think everything. I feel that I am a burden on a lot of people and they talk about me behind my back, if I see two people at work talking I automatically panic that I did something wrong. So I guess I’ve defaulted into just not talking to anyone.  Ever since high school I feel like I am not enough or that my life is too hard for people and they will drop me the same way I was dropped then. Getting back up was hard and I want to give my whole heart to everyone but it’s scary to think that the people you love could just stop loving you.

This article is kind of all over the place, because I just got out of the shower and this was all running through my mind the whole time so I just got out and put it all down. So I guess what I’m trying to say is I miss my camp family. A lot.